Lately I’ve really enjoyed beginning my day with a Psalm. I find that the honest, vulnerable pursuit of God in the writing of David helps set the tone for how I should live my day. This morning Psalm 18:24 really stood out to me:
“God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes.” (MSG)
Even with all the amazing things happening in my life, even with the birth of my beautiful son, with God doing amazing things through First15 and in my personal life, I still find myself filled with desire to have the text of my life rewritten.
The idea of my life being a story God desires to author sounds as good to me as anything right now. For God to take what is less than abundant, less than passionate, less than heavenly and rewrite it to align with his abundant, passionate and supernatural plans for me fills my heart with hope. For God to take that which was done pridefully, half-heartedly, sinfully and redeem it like the turning point in a great novel fills me with a desire to completely surrender who I am and what I’m doing to his perfect leadership.
But oftentimes allowing God to transform everything is much easier said than done. Opening up the book of my heart to his eyes, his perfect and piercing gaze, is more vulnerable than I would like to be. There are parts of my story I would rather be deleted than rewritten. There are things I’ve done I don’t even want to look at hard enough to rewrite, let alone allow a perfect God to discuss with me.
But in the process of acknowledging my fears I realize I am confronted with a choice down two paths, and only two paths. I can either allow parts of my history to live on with me untouched, unhealed, unredeemed, or I can allow a perfect God to rewrite my story with his perfect love. While looking at my imperfections has momentary pain, allowing his strength to be perfect in my weakness frees me from the weight of my past (1 Cor. 12:9).
So today, my prayer is that God would fill me with the courage I need to open the book of my heart to him. I pray that I would allow him to search me and know me. I pray that I listen as he speaks to me about those things I’m too afraid to see for myself. And I look forward to the story I allow God to author in my life, a story far greater than one I could dream of for myself.